Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
