Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
