Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
