She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
