I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize