i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
