I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
