you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
