she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize