While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize