I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
