U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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