Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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