Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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