Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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