Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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