Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize
