I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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