I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
