things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
