remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
