I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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