Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
