saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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