Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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