I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
