11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
