yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
