i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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