Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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