also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize