So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
