in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
