He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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