Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
