Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
