defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize