Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
