I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
