We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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