sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
