If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
