He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize