Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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