who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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