i permit you to call me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
