i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
