so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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