i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize