A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize