Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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