:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
