everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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