It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
