OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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