Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Can i not drive my cunt home
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
