i was born a porn star she said
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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