Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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