she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
