So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
