look no pants
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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