plz talk dirty to me
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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