He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
