She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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