if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
this will be a night to untag.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
