walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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