Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
