I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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