I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
