it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
