words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
