Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
