it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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